With an attention-grabber of a title like that, you could imagine that I would have the cliché, recycled list of reasons to join the Peace Corps in this article: travel, finding yourself, learning a new culture, blah, blah, blah. All true, absolutely. But, I think I’ve found the number one skill, take-away, lesson I’ve learned that will make this whole journey worth it.
Let me tell you a story.
My phone alerted me that I had a new message in my group Line message. My Supervisor had sent a message to the group message that included myself, my counterpart, and all the teachers I work alongside. Her message was basically: “Hey did anyone know that Caitlin wanted to take students to this camp in December?”
Her message was right under the link I’d sent (two weeks earlier) to a folder with all the information on the camp. I’d also asked a month earlier for permission to take students to the camp, but now that it was time to turn in permission slips somehow nobody knew about the camp.
After a fairly uncomfortable meeting where I wanted to say “hey I told you about this a month ago and you have all the information in the Line message”, instead I had to say “Here’s why we should go to this camp, and why you should let me bring students”. The battle I wanted to win was bringing kids to this camp, not whether or not I’d told them already.
That issue resolved and in my rear-view mirror, the very next day I followed up on something I’d asked about awhile ago. I wanted to go help work a camp on a Saturday, but needed some way to get there. My coworkers had said that the Tessaban would drive me, no problem. But when it came around to asking my Supervisor, the answer was significantly less straight-forward.
I probably understood about 60% of what they were saying while they were having the conversation, but it’s my reactions that I want to focus on here. So here’s a general play-by-play, along with a summary of what was going on in my head – hopefully you’ll get to see why this will be the gem I learn from Peace Corps.
“When did we talk about this? Did I know you were going to this?” My Supervisor asks.
Yes, you definitely knew – I asked awhile ago. I feel myself getting angry. Not this again!! Just because I’m the least important thing that comes across your desk in a day, that doesn’t mean you can make me look bad every time you forget I told you something! Ugh.
“Okay so how will you get there?”
That’s what I’m asking. Can the Tessaban drive me? I feel hopeful for a second, will it be that easy? Is this conversation already over?
“*something in Thai that I don’t really understand*”
They’re looking at me like I’m supposed to have an answer to what they just said. I can feel the anxiety rising in my chest, that definitely wasn’t a yes. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand” I say.
“Whose camp is it? Isn’t it the school’s camp? Is it your Peace Corps Volunteer Friend’s camp? Do they even work at that school?”
I’m tripping over my words, I don’t remember if it’s his school or not – I don’t remember even asking. It’s a camp where I’d get to learn how to teach, and it was with my friend. Felt like a no-brainer. I am irritated that it matters. “It’s on a Saturday” I try to explain. “If I was any other volunteer, I’d just bike to the bus station and go on my own. But the bus station is too far to bike.” I’m (again) frustrated and feeling trapped by how dependent I am on others for my transportation.
“When we hosted a camp, we went to pick up the volunteers. Why won’t they come get you? It’s not our responsibility to get you there.”
I’m angry, my feelings are hurt, and I’m frustrated that I can’t communicate better. If I was literally anyone else, I wouldn’t even need to have this conversation, I’d just go. It feels like your responsibility because I’m your responsibility!!
“It’s not right for them to make you take the bus or to have us drive you, it’s their camp, their budget – they should take care of you if they want you to help. I am worried about the public transportation being too busy on the weekend. Do you understand?”
I can feel that I am so, so angry. But angry isn’t even the right word – I am infuriated that they feel like they can make this decision for me. But then, for a moment, I paused. I took an assessment of my anger, my indignant heart, and I, somehow, let it go. I felt my heart take a deep breath (not literally, you know what I mean), and I started to listen to what she was saying and hear what she meant.
“They’re asking us to drive you to the bus station on a Friday night and on a Sunday, it’s not our responsibility” = “I would have to ask one of my employees to work overtime on a weekend because another school is having a camp and that doesn’t make sense to me.”
“It’s not right for them to make you take public transportation.” = “when we had a camp, we picked everyone up – because I think that’s the respectful way to do this.”
“It’s not that I don’t want you to go, I want you to go. But if they’re not coming to get you, then you shouldn’t go.” = “I do value you and your experiences here, but I want it done the right way.”
By the end of it, I understood where she was coming from. Here’s the thing though – I’m still super bummed. I still disagree, I don’t think it was rude of the other school to ask me to take the bus and I don’t think it was too much of me to ask to be taken to the bus stop. I still wish I was going.
But I understood. And I wasn’t angry anymore – wasn’t mad at my Supervisor, wasn’t hurt the way that I was earlier in the conversation. And if I had stopped when I was mad and upset, if I had shut down (like I usually do – almost 100% of the time. Anyone who has been in an emotional conversation with me knows how BAD I am at handling emotions in conversations. Epically bad.) then I would still be mad at her, I’d still feel like my supervisor and counterpart see me as a burden.
But I pushed past that and listened to what she was actually saying. In a language that I’m still learning. In a culture that still doesn’t entirely make sense to me. Can you imagine if I gave my American friends and co-workers the benefit of pushing past my emotional response and still listening to what they’re saying??
At the end of it all, I lost this battle. I’m not going to the camp. In fact, I’m writing this about half an hour after the last bus left headed towards my friend’s site – and I would have loved to be on it. But you know what, this didn’t break my relationship with my supervisor the way it might have if I had stopped listening.
I’m still learning how to stand up for myself and how to communicate better in this social and linguistic context. But I think we’ll win the war – learning how to communicate better together and make this cross-cultural thing work.
At the end of my two years, I’m sure I’ll be leaving with so many new skills and memories. But maybe, most rewarding of all, will be the ability to disagree, feel hurt, feel angry, and still hear what the other person has to say and not let it ruin the relationship.
So there's the best reason you should join the Peace Corps: to work in a culture that is not your own. To learn how to communicate, to listen to what someone is actually saying through the layers of cultural context and language barriers. Because the most growth happens when you have to sit and just be uncomfortable and somehow find a way to work through it.
It's a skill I think our country desperately needs to learn.
