Published first in Peace Corps Thailand Magazine
I’ve already tried it and I don’t like it I say, as I scoot away From this drunken grandpa Slurping snails in my ear I just don’t want to hear His snail “kisses” Here, I’ve found myself here Again. A new home, new faces And I brace for the same “where are you from?” All over again. I didn’t want to come, But then It’s an evening that ends With laughter and new friends
I’m always glad I went.
It’s 3pm Saturday again How does that keep happening Between the sleeping and Introverting the time always Comes It’s time. Family time. I drag my feet Wish I was asleep, Then I go. To the first place I called home Here in Ngim. To grandmas who “accidentally” Fondle my boob and then call me fat. To little boys in soldier uniforms Covered in snot and dirt. To chim du gone and gin yurt yurt To when my heart could burst I’m so happy. So loved. Among all the chaos, The dirt, the too-fast Thai, A small voice talks over cartoons. You don’t have to go home, The little one tells me. Because Poohpah loves Naam Wan.
I’m always glad I went.
I have so much planning to do, I swear it will never get done. Who signed up for this, anyway? I can’t go, it’s not their day- I only have this half a day to plan. I sigh, buckle my helmet, And peddle to Children’s Day. I’ve been invited – I go out of courtesy. I want them to keep inviting me. even though Then I don’t want to go. I didn’t know the invite was for Baby boogie time, karaoke for beginners, And class coordinated dances. The kids smile at me as they run to be on stage, Grinning like a dance mom, Beaming like I love them.
I’m always glad I went.
This school I’ll probably cut I think to myself as I ride up, Dread filling my stomach so It drops like a lead balloon, But maybe said too soon The balloon of my heart inflates I leave on cloud nine, Well, I think, fine, I will have to keep this school, I love these crazy kids. Another school, same fate Times eight.
I’m always glad I went.
I think about a year ago How hard it was to go. To say goodbye for a while, For my family to be miles and miles Away. Every day I decide to stay. I knew I’d miss cooking, I thought I’d miss snow. I’d miss out on dating, But still wanted to go. I remember red wine evenings, The freedom of a car, The familiarity of a routine In a house not far from home. This blue house is somewhat far And I’ve altered the day to day. My new red wine is sticky rice, So glad I took my own advice, I can’t not do it because I’m scared.
I’m so glad I went.