Disclaimer: that's probably not how to spell the phrase I'm trying to reference. It sounds like "Ben Heung" to me, and it means both to take care of someone and to worry about them - something that was wildly confusing to me at first. Now, it pretty aptly describes my experience of Thai culture. To care about someone here is to worry about them - I get asked if I've eaten enough today, if my bike ride made me tired, do I need some more water, am I too hot, etc. Here, it just makes sense that "to take care of someone" and to "worry about someone" are the same phrase.
And thanks to a recent experience, I acutely understand the spirit behind this phrase.
As I was jumping on my bike to make the approximately 40 minute ride to my language class (30 if I'm out-biking some dogs or really feeling my music), my Thai Mom approached me to inform me that tonight I would sleep inside the house with the family. My entire bike ride I panicked about this statement - my loss of privacy, loss of alone time... it felt like a loss of agency. When I returned home I tried to communicate that I like my own room, Peace Corps requires that I have a room with a locking door... to no avail. Every family member kept mumbling "ben heung" and I began to absolutely freak out about the change.
So, like any good Peace Corps Volunteer (not), I panicked and called the home-stay coordinator to clarify that I needed my own space.
I learned, through the coordinator's conversation with my Thai mom, that there had been a truck parked outside of my house the last two nights that no one had been able to recognize. My family told her that they were so worried about me, they couldn't sleep. My doors lock, my windows lock, but my current bathroom was outside of my room - and there weren't bars over my windows.
The night before, I had run to the bathroom. I had been so preoccupied with avoiding the family dogs (they come out of NOWHERE at night) that I hadn't even noticed the truck.
OH. Ben heung. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course I'll sleep inside. I'd been too busy worrying about losing my American alone time, I didn't notice how much this family was caring for me and taking care of me. I felt so loved, so accepted as part of their family. And I finally truly understood why integration is such a crucial part of my new job. By loving this family and doing my best to integrate into their home, they cleared out not one but two rooms for me: my old room where I could have my space and a place to do homework, and a room to sleep safely. Ben heung.
TBD on the origins of the truck, I still sleep inside with the bars on my windows and access to a bathroom behind a locked door. I am confident in my safety with such an incredible family and community looking out for me.
Don't worry Mom, I really am safe. And so, so well cared for.
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